[Gucci shoes, Volcom socks, Arai helmut]

Q: Nik, I adore your wife! She is the perfect example of what a woman should be. Congrats! Now onto my question. I feel like you would be the perfect person to ask since you both work a lot. I have been with my husband for almost 5 years, married for 2. We have two boys together. My problem concerns his job. When he gets off of work in the evening he comes home and does nothing but talk to me about work or call his friends that work with him about work. Seriously from the minute he walks in the door until he goes to sleep that is all he talks about. On his days off he does the same thing. It is nothing but work. We never talk about anything besides his work and the kids. We never do anything together. Is it acceptable for me to ask him to set aside an hour every evening to talk about anything besides the kids and his work? Is it unreasonable to ask him to spend time with just me on one of his days off? What should I do if he refuses? Please help!

A: You must address the issue asap. Your husband is masking. He is using work as a scapegoat for something he wants to ignore in life. My guess is that he hates his married/family life. You are letting him get away with murder. You must confront him, but make sure you use your kids as the opener because he is going to be very defensive. He will refuse! Just know he will slowly breakdown, if he doesn’t be drastic… you only have one life. Good luck with Mr. Ground Hog and let me know how it goes.

Q: Nik, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a few months. Everything has been great or as far as I can tell for the most part. I can’t say that a few things have made me a bit paranoid the last few months though. It started when we first started dating, he went with a few of his guys out and he (and them as well) stayed at his ex girlfriends home. He swears nothing ever happened. I being a dumb dumb made a fake FB with a random beautiful blonde. He semi fell for it. Flirting talking etc. He did tell her he had a girlfriend, but I think he did so more of a paranoid feeling that he didnt know her and it could possibly be me. The latest that has happened was I was using the internet trying to look for a past site I was on and his history was up for a good amount of porn. Let’s be honest, all guys probably look at porn, or so I have convinced myself. It wasn’t your average porn though, it was incest porn. He claimed they were pop-up’s and thats how they got in there. I still dont believe. The most recent has been my boredom and own stupidity of looking through his phone. I found nothing, but what I did find was a phone number and a girl who was sending him nude explicit photos. I felt I couldn’t take it anymore and flipped my lid. Long story short, he claimed he doesn’t know the girl and he had got those pictures while he was working and didn’t even respond. I find this hard to believe since the story he had told me before that was he was sorry and he was just bored at work. Our relationship is fine we cooled off etc.. But I do not know how I am to feel about all this. He always talks about how he wants to marry me and yada yada but I am not sure now. Any advice? Or am I being out of line?

A: What are you still doing with this weirdo? Do you hate yourself or something? This guy has presented you with every red flag in the book. Don’t be a fool in love, I can see this guy wasting many years of your life telling you all the things you want to hear. You are being his pawn and to be honest I think he only dates you so that he can feel somewhat normal. My advice is to dump this loser and find someone who respects you. And to think when he was having sex with you he probably closed his eyes and thought of his sister. SICK!

Q: Hey Nik, long time follower of thedirty.com and I’m a newcomer to lamasrichie.com, and I love it. Some of the advice you give is so spot on, I figured I’d give it a try. I have 3 questions, if that’s okay. #1: I dated this guy for 2 1/2 years in high school and we both knew we were supposed to get married, but I wanted to wait 5 or 6 years, since we’re both only 20. Well he joined the Navy so we could have a better life, and that’s when things started going downhill. I fell out of love with him because of the distance and he cheated on me, so I broke up with him. After a few months of not talking, we decided that being friends was the best solution, but we let feelings get involved again, and now he thinks we’re still going to get married, but I’m not ready for that commitment yet. So what should I do there? Marry him because I’m comfortable with him, or keep him at bay like this? #2: I have this friend and she has been practically my sister for 3 years, but I’ve began to notice lately how crazy she is. She’s manipulative, demanding, fanatical, and downright crazy. I’ve sacrificed so much out of my life for her and have gotten nothing from her. Not that I expect anything from her, but as my un-biological sister, it’d be nice. I’m afraid to leave her because I’m literally her only friend (she’s done the same thing to lots of other people) So should I continue being her friend or try to distance myself from her? #3: What is your opinion on sex buddies?

A: 1) I hate to break it to you, but he is NOT the love of your life. You are too young to even know what love is and he already cheated on you once which means if you do marry this guy the odds are 90% that he will cheat on you again. Erase this guy so you have no false hope. Being friends will not work, so please don’t lead him down that path because he thinks “friends” means “I will marry you one day”. 2) You will know if she is really your sister/friend (who sounds like she is on drugs btw) if you distance yourself. If she cares she will make an effort, if she doesn’t and has been using you the entire time you will find out very quickly. Also, stop being an enabler to this girls serious issues. 3) I think sex buddies are great as long as money and kissing are not involved.

Q: Nik, without gushing I have to say I love both sites! I think that Shayne is fantastic for you, I have to say that I relate to her and her views on life and love (and love of shoes). I am in a new relationship that has been developing more and more over the last 6 months and am confident that we are going to have a long future together.  I am 27 and he is 28 and he has never been in a serious relationship or let alone one longer than ours. As I understand it he has spent most of his time focusing on school, work, family and friends, etc., you know having fun without “settling down.” Now onto my delima; While we both know where we are as a couple and privately he is very loving. I find that I am constantly finding myself wanting more physical contact while in public. We DO NOT hold hands or touch at all while out, when I grab his hand or kiss him he doesn’t pull away but, I can sense his discomfort so I don’t pursue it often. We speak very honestly to each other and I have told him that I crave some physical contact while we are out. I even explained to him that a simple hand on my back or leg or quick kiss would resolve this for me. He has been making much more of an effort within the last two weeks since our conversation about it but, I can still feel his hesitation and honestly, not much change. My initial thought is that because he has never really been in a serious relationship before and has not put much stock in PDA it is not natural to him. I hope that this is something that, over time, will change. Do you think that his aversion to public contact will fade as we get more serious and over time? Or is this it and I have to decide if I can handle the lack of contact or get out? And Shayne, do you have any tips for me to motivate him to show that affection?

A: First off, don’t blame yourself for his lack of PDA. Your boyfriend’s issue comes from his parents. He either grew up watching a broken relationship with his mom and dad or they never showed each other affection when he was a child. Second off, you will not be able to change him or his ways. His mind is set one way, even if he changes for a week or month eventually he will go back to his mental program. Lastly, he is not gay. Many guys have this problem and it causes many insecurity issues when they become a man looking for love. If you are a parent and you are reading this right now make sure you show your children as much love as possible. Actions speak louder than words, so kiss your kid even if they hate it.

Q: Big fan of thedirty.com and seems like this new one as well!  Well ive been with my now fiance (with a baby on the way) for 4 yrs living together for 2.  The first 2 yrs were a long distance relationship and we had our rough times with him cheating on me once and lying about it until i found out a week later.  He says that was the only time, but i have trouble believing it.  Well i forgave him and i still find myself being paranoid about him doing it again, but ever since and before he cheated on me he has always been a gentleman and pretty much being a good guy.  Never have a seen him texting other girls or talking to other girls on the his cell, but i do THINK that i catch him checking out other girls and the reason i say think is because he says he wasnt.  4 days ago some chick texted him congratulation on US having a baby boy and my jealousy got the best of me because in my head i keep thinking hes gonna cheat on me.  And one time he made a comment about a girl and how she had big boobs.  Should i believe that he has changed and things will get better for me from now on and its my mind thats making me believe crazy things that might happen?  Your wife is so lucky to find a guy that is in the 1%, if only 99% of us women could find one also!! THANKS NIK!

A: It makes me so confused as to why women stay with men that cheat on them. As much as I want to say it is your hormones causing paranoia because of the baby, it sadly isn’t. A guy who says that it was only one time is a liar. Guys cheat because of the thrill. All he is thinking is “Can I get away with it and how hot will the sex be?” You are born a cheater by genetics and I am sorry to say this, but your unborn child will cheat on his or her partner one day. Blame the father.

Q: Ok, Love the new site and have been dirty army strong for a yr!! Anywho, I am dating this older guy, (I’m 27 and he is 45). I do love him and i think getting married and having a future together would be amazing. The one catch is he has a daughter and had a vasectomy after cause he didnt want to have more kids. I want kids and I know I have a lot of love to give. He has told me that if I really want them he would have it reversed but, doesnt seem to thrilled about that. I’m not sure if i should try to stick it out and hope that he will be excited to have a kid with me or if I should just end the relationship cause we obviously arent going down the same path. I pretty much know the answer but need to Hear it from you Nik. Thanks soo much!

A: You control your roadmap. Be selfish in life or you will never get the happiness you are looking for. He is not being honest in his answer, a half hearted answer is a sign of stalling to avoid a serious situation. Create your own plan with someone who wants to share the plan with you. What you are doing now is not going to work. He is not your future and I think his decision of getting a vasectomy after having one child with his ex is his way of saying fuck you to women. Your guy is still out there waiting for you.

Nik Lamas-Richie

Ask me something nik@lamasrichie.com